STRANGE THINGS GOING ON TODAY

Its been a weird day and it isn't over yet, The first thing I encounterd was unbelievable, As I was going around the Roundabout I met a Car coming towards me. What that was all about is anybody's guess he mounted the Roundabot when he saw me approaching and just stared straight ahead didn't even aknowledge me god only knows what he was thinking. I didn't even rise to his stupidity and carried on. The next thing I saw i found particualy strange a Horse walking around a field backwards it looked realy odd, My passenger and I looked at each other and started to laugh we just couldnt believe what we were seeing, The next thing I saw was realy cool, a dog carrying its owners shopping for them in a good old Tesco bag I doubt I could get my Dog to do the same.

Overhearing a conversation this morning a girl is realy annoyed at her boyfriend he keeps her awake at night drinking with his mates while she is trying to get some sleep before work (shes also pregnant). At the end of her patience she pours her urine sample in his whiskey and happily watches him and his mates drink it before going back to bed. Never get between a women and her sleep!

NOT A GOOD START TO THE DAY

What a horrible Morning I have had Today although I can laugh at the situation now believe me I didn't at the time. Far from it.

I wanted to get an early start this Morning so I could get an early finish but it didn't go to plan. I was about to get into the car at about 6:30 and out of the corner of my Eye I notice a flat Tyre, Fantastic time to get dirty, I got straight into the task at hand no point in moaning these things happen from time to time. I went to lossen the Wheel Nuts would they move would they hell, I was doing the old trick of standing on the Wheel Brace bouncing up and down still no movement. Why do people inssist on tightening these Nuts up to the point of which is humanly possible? what is the point there is just no need for it. Luckily for me I have an old Scaffold Pole in my Shed which came in handy today for the extra leverage it's a good job I was outside my House because I could have been realy stuck.

Job done I was about to clear up my Tools when I noticed a distinct smell in the air, Alarmed I quickly looked down to see the Brown tell tale signs. It was on my shoes, my Tools and Hands! Dog Shi* everywhere. I started to bork how I wasn't sick I just do not know. After I had managed to get cleaned up It was 8:00 before I got to work. What a bloody Day.

I would like to say thanks to my Wife for cleaning the Crap of my Shoes.

CONKERS

What ever happened to the game of conkers? Nobody seems to play it anymore is it down to the pc brigade banning it in schools or making children wear saftey goggles? You dont even see Children playing the age old game outside of Schools. I think its a shame, My other half thinks im old fashioned. When I was a child and september came that was it the conkers would be out in force. Come break time the Playground would be awash with Conker players all in competition to have the Conker with the most kills. These games would continue on the way home from School with a very slow walk. Sometimes it would take ages to get home and Mother would want to know were the hell you had been. There would be evidence of these matches all around especialy in the Playground the remains of broken Conkers all around troden into the Ground. We used to have ways of making the Conker harder such as baking them, Painting them in Nail Varnish, Soaking them in vinegar, Keeping them in the airing Cupboard or just using and old champion from a previous Year. I used to take My Children to the A6 near Kendal to collect them as they were numerous with many a Carrier Bag coming Home plenty to go around and no doubt used for trading for Football stickers or Sweets. My Son wasn't intrested this year nobody bothers anymore he said . Well it looks like we have lost another good old English tradition and I think it's sad.

Here is a link if you don't know what its all about http://www.woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk/customs/conkers.html

FLOWER POWER

Driving through Town today my Fare remarked how the Flowers around Town looked realy nice and how they brightened the place up, I had to agree with her they do, Its probably the only positive thing the Council have actualy managed to do for this Town everything thing else they do seems to be a joke to be honnest. Anyway I just couldn't help Myself, I told her they weren't real and they are infact Plastic even the ones on the Roundabouts. Realy? Yes its all down to health and safety you know! She now looked at me with a confused expresion. So I explained to her that due to a new EU rule people were now free to sue the council if they suffered from Hayfever. I suffer from Hayfever she says. No win no fee love no win no fee! I could tell that this had her thinking, Wonder if she trys to follow it up lol, One born every minuete. Mind you the way things are I wouldn't be surprised if some lawyer said there is a case, Well you know how things are these days.

Passenger taps His Taxi Driver on the Shoulder. The Driver S***s Himself, swerves, Nearly hits a Bus and stops inches from a Shop Window.
"Jesus your jumpy arent you? I only tapped your Shoulder" says the Passenger.
"Sorry" says the Cabbie
"Its my first Day. Ive been Driving a bloody Hearse for the last 20 years!!"