TEMPTING FATE

Somtimes you get people geguinly intrested in your job the just plain nosey, or the ones that use it as a way of starting a bit of banter. It always ends up in the same statement of "I couldn't do your job people being sick in your car". Now im not superstitious but after ive explained its never happened to me I always say "Touch wood" Out aloud! and thank them for probably jinxing my night.

Last night wasn't particualy busier than any other saturday night and i was hitting my average hourly rate. Sometimes tho if your lucky you can make in one hour which would normaly take you about five hours, It dosn't happen very often, but last night was the night I fell lucky! The last of these jobs which was giving me a good boost was a six seater job from one of the vilages on the outskirts of Barrow. As soon as I pulled up two people sprung from the car like a coiled spring and started being sick. Thank god it wasnt in the car. They started blaming me, Yeagh right its all my fault and nothing to do with all them aftershocks they said they'd downed before we left. I must say I felt realy guilty taking the fare of them as they were protesting id made them ill, I think not.

WAITING TIME THE MIRICALE CURE

Theres a lady ive been picking up for quite a while and she has a lot of trouble walking, She takes ages geting to the car with the aid of a walking stick. I always get out of the cab grab an arm and help her along ive done this in all weather and more than once been soacked to the bone but this dos'nt bother me at all, It's a nice feeling to think that iv'e helped someone less fortunate than myself even if it's only somthing as simple as this. Halfway through the journey she said she wanted to stop of at morrisons for a couple of things and didn't want to phone for another taxi and would I wait? No problem to me. She asked how much the waiting time would be. 20p a minute was my reply, She was happy with this. When we got there to my amazement she got out of the cab without her sticks and ran. I say ran loosely it was more like a sprint for a women of her age I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. She was back to the cab in no time at all as she threw herself into the seat looking at the meter to see what it had clocked. The cheeck of it! All the times I have helped this lady when its clearly not needed. Its like stealing of charity in my mind. I didnt move out of my seat when got to the end and I havn't ever scince. I wonder how many more abuse other peoples kindnes?

NOT TONIGHT SON

A while back i was working the rank outside Barrows new nightclub Club M. Well there's no such thing as a dress code in this town, Up until now that is. The new owners want to make it a bit more up market. Fairplay to them I say. As I sat patiently waiting for a fare I watched yet another potential customer get turned away for wearing Trainers, Nothing unusal there then. What I saw next was unbelievable, No it was genius! The guy casualy walked around the corner took his black Socks off and put them over his Trainers and rejoined the que. The bouncers didn't notice a thing (or smell for that matter) best laugh of the night. Brings a new meaning to improvise adapt and overcome.

HYPER ACTIVE

When im working a long shift or late at weekends I usualy have a couple of energy drinks like red bull or red rooster. Im quite sensitive to caffine and these do the trick nicely althogh i find it hard to wind down when i get home. I came accross this new one in the local off licence and thought id give it a go. Now this thing is tiny so it must be potent and also has the added bonus that you wont be needing the toilet every two minuetes. Potent to bloody right it was for someone who is sensitive to caffine. My skin turned red and i was burning all over this was only after a few minuets after drinking it. I picked the bottle back up to see what the hell is in this thing. Apparantely these symptoms are normal and only last a few minuets somthing to do with niacin so it said on the bottle. I Spent the next hour or so grinding my teeth tapping my foot and having heart palpitations. The caffine content to ml of liquid is the same as having 5 red bulls! Well i worked through the night no probs so at least i got my moneys worth

SPEED BUMPS PART 2

Well they have finaly knackerd my car. Not only have my Subframe Bushes gone but i also managed to snap a Suspension Spring, and I slow down for these things. So the Car is in the Garage waiting to be fixed. Fortunatly ive managed to get a spare car so at least im still earning. Unfortunatly I miss out on my rank work and the car im in is a six seater. Whats wrong with that? Well nothing realy its probably just me because you have to have the patience of a saint when there is more passengers in the car, especialy when its women. They just wont leave you alone from start to finish! I gets extremely noisy in the cab as they all crave your attention. Everyone of them wants to talk to you at the same time and wont stop pestering you, They all love the driver. Ive sort of managed a cure for this I say sort of. I put some loud music on some girly crap like girls aloud now i cant stand this music and the volume increases but as they sing along and the old cab rocks from side to side at least there leaving me alone to do my job plus sometimes it gets me a tip, and to put up with that lot i deserve it.

I think i need a new map

I think i need a new map its realy frustraiting to use now!
Sod buying a new one there's a credit crunch on you know! A bit of sticky backed plastic and hey its like new ill get another 12 months out of this one you know just think of the saving LOL

Where has my passenger gone?

When youv'e been doing this job a while you learn how to read people and know when to pull off before they get in the car unfortunatly you have to learn this by experience which is sometimes intimidating and stressful but you have to handle the situation the best you can. There are a couple of pubs in town that im always ready to pull of from as im mentaly reading the punter approaching my cab its much easier for me to do this than to put myself in a situation where I have to suffer abuse and maybe confruntation as I remove them from my car. Unfortunatly sometimes they slip through the net but not very often. I remember one night I got a job on walney Island from some house party. Now id watched her approch the car and she was fine she said she wanted to go to holbeck which is a good fare especialy after midnight so of I went. When I arrived at the address I asked her for the fare and waited this was taking sometime which is quite usual when people have had a couple. I looked in my mirror thats strange! as I rapidly turned to look behined where the hell is she. Not on the seat thats for sure but on the floor. My god here we go. I shouted at her and gave a couple of prods to her arm nothing MY GOD SHES DEAD! I checked that she was breathing she was, WHAT A RELIEF! Well what do I do now? Only one option find a police officer they can deal with it so back to town I trot meter ticking away am I going to get payed I doubt it.When I found a police officer they couldnt wake her either at this point im looking at the town hall clock great all this money im loosing. They were about to get an ambulance to our surprise she wakes up I dont want to take her no further incase it happens again and the meter had clocked up a good £25 by now which I want paying, before id even got her back to holbeck. Sometimes you have to look on the funny side and agread to get her home for £15 I made sure she stayed awake the rest of the journey.

Im forever blowing bubbles

There is a new office block in my town well i say new its been here a while now but the council just cant find anyone to ocupy it. Anyway they have a number of water fountains outside .Its quite funny when i pull up at the trafic lights next to the fountains and there is young children running through them and standing on them getting competely soacked obviously have a fun time, but just down the road in the bus stop is mother franticaly shouting at her children.The funniest thing i saw at these fountains was what some local chav's had done. They had poured some detergant into the fountains and hey presto barrows own foam party. Im going to have to get a camera so i can post some pics

unbelievable parenting

I realy cant believe some of the things i hear and see in this job.Now no one is perfect but isnt it a natural instinct as a parent to protect your chidren from harm you would certainly think so.This isnt the usual gripe of parents with the pushchair on the road while they stand saftley on the pavement waiting to cross or the other stupid action of putting children in and out of the car on the roadside instead of the pavement (cars have doors on both sides incase you dindnt know dohhh).What happened today was f###### unbelieveable. As i dropped my fare of and started to help the lady unload her shopping she left her child about 18 months old to wander around on the pavement and this was a realy busy road too while she messed about with her shopping, the child then wandered onto the road but instead of putting her shopping down and running to get her child like instinct would tell you to do she just called get off the road this child was too young to respond to orders like that and cars were getting nearer so i dropped her shopping and ran to retrieve the child who had now brought traffic to a standstill. She didnt bat an eyelid as i stood with her child in my arms an casualy carried on unloading her shopping.I was that mad and shocked i couldnt say a word,and if i did would she have listened you tell me

Speed bumps

Do we realy need so many they seem to be sprouting up everywhere and in all the wrong places.I have no problem with the old sleeping policemen in the right places such as outside schools,playgrounds etc but where i live they even have them in coldisacs were youd struggle to get out of first gear never mind second.I my job i can do anything between 500 to 1000 miles in a week around a relatively small town and it dont do my car or my bones any good whatsoever.These things only slow down average joe like you and me the idiots about seem to use them as ramps

The envelope

I droped of my fare and looked at my data head and there was plenty of work to be had up town,Half way there the operator contacted me on the radio and asked me if my last customer had left an envelope in the car.I had a quick look around and found it....empty.Great im going to have to travel back through town to drop off an empty brown envelope during rush hour too.When i got there he gave me some money for my trouble so i mentioned it was strange him paying another taxi fare just for an envelope thats worth a couple of pence.He said it wasnt empty and i thought great hes going to say ive took the contents.He then pulls out a 20p piece and says nope its still there.Im then thinking this guy is either nuts or taking the piss until he shows me the coin apparently the royal mint have made a load of 20p that have no date on them and coin cllectors are paying good money for them.This particular coin had just been sold on ebay for £150.I quickly pulled up around the corner and started going through my float at the speed of 1000 racing snakes well you never know do you!!

Road kill pie

sometimes i just cant help having a having a joke with my customers.Today i picked up a mother and daughter and half way through the journey a young seagul swooped infront of my cab the girl in the back started to scream and when i looked in my rear view mirror she had coverd her eyes and was repeating over and over have you killed it.Well this was my cue for some light hearted mischief.I told the girl that it was fine but if i had killed it i would have kept it for my road kill pie.Road kill pie what is that she asked as i saw a smirk apear on her mothers face.I then explained to the girl that any dead animals that i find on the road i keep them and bake a pie for my family,Well you can imagine the reaction to that for the next few minuets i was lectuered on all things cute and fluffy.So i told her that when i eat my tea i like to know that it used to have a face.she was not impressed at all when her mother tipped me.